[WARNING: Disturbing Content]
Psychosis, March 2014
My roommate called my friends for backup. Drew came first. I had migrated to the backyard. He and my roommate sat in the sun chairs while I pranced around them in large circles, barefoot. The energy coursed through my nerves. The circles I ran in absorbed negative energy and then I would run the other way and energize the positive. I was no longer in control of my body and it did what the energy willed. I shouted my ideals at them. Drew later described it to me one time like watching a child on acid.
They kept me from running into the street, where my body wanted me to go. So instead I performed rituals on my books, spinning in endless circles on top of them. But Carol! She should come over! I called her number, which she had given me before. Drew took the phone and talked to her, explaining that I couldn’t hang out today. I then had him sit down on the couch with me. I showed him a picture book I owned called “How Not To Be a Dick”. I leaned into him and I traced my fingers around the sarcastic cartoons and explained my favorite lessons in human decency to him.
Eventually Jamie showed up, my best friend, and convinced me to get in my bed. Drew was relieved of his duty. I babbled to her and napped until my mom arrived from the airport in the evening.
My mom didn’t understand yet and she began to prepare a meal. Jamie put on a movie, Hercules. Watching the cartoon my feet began to burn and my chest exploded, my body was on fire. I was a goddess! I spun faster and faster and my mom watched in horror. Mom please don’t cry… She walked over and put her hands on my shoulders. Julia I want you to take a shower. Ok mom. I twirled as I cleaned myself. She was on the phone. My roommate packed us snacks. Mom put me in fresh comfortable clothes.
Jamie: Julia we’re going for a drive, let’s go get in the car. I was so excited, it was finally time to go to France! As we approached the hospital I marveled at the fancy brick edifice. This was better than France. I was a witch and they were taking me to Hogwarts!! It was my lucky day ✨