Away to Hogwarts

[WARNING: Disturbing Content] Psychosis, March 2014 My roommate called my friends for backup. Drew came first. I had migrated to the backyard. He and my roommate sat in the sun chairs while I pranced around them in large circles, barefoot. The energy coursed through my nerves. The circles I ran in absorbed negative energy and... Continue Reading →

The Escape Attempt

I stayed overnight in a psychiatric Emergency Room. I have so many stories about this experience, but I want to start with a funny most are much heavier. This story demonstrates the odd behavior that hospital staff deals with. The majority of my stay was spent spinning in circles. The nurses let me leave... Continue Reading →

The Pregnant Woman

WARNING: disturbing content. Psychosis, Psychiatric Emergency Room, 2014 [Drawings of my hallucinations from my time in the psychiatric ward after the ER] I sat on the cold tiled floor with my legs crossed, patiently watching the scene play out in front of me. I had been asked to keep still by the staff after my... Continue Reading →

Solitary Confinement

[WARNING: Disturbing Content] March 2014 Awhile after checking into the ER psych ward I met the doctor. She was young with a gentle demeanor. She outlined my diagnosis: No drugs in my blood. Bipolar disorder. Psychotic break. Suffering delusions and hallucinations. . No, stop just take me to the other side. I've been waiting so... Continue Reading →

Frida is for Freedom

March 2014, a psychiatric hospital in Berkeley, CA (After Emergency Room) Coming down from psychosis, I still had delusions. So did the other patients. I befriended a boy who was convinced that I was a perfect white angel, and he was a dark angel. Another guy, Freddy Krueger, claimed to be a killer vampire. An... Continue Reading →

He Saved Me Twice

Outpatient Recovery, Los Angeles, April 2014 (Age 25) Pictured with mom in the garden. A clinic psychiatrist reduced my antipsychotics slowly over a month. Individual and group therapy, knitting, coloring, and parking lot cigarettes occupied my days. I tried, but friends were impossible to make. . At Aunt Bonnie and Uncle Mike's house I listened... Continue Reading →

I’m Sorry, Carol

San Francisco, May 2014 In the months leading to my psychosis surfing was a retreat from the stresses of life. Me and a few girlfriends bought thick wet suits and hit the beach on the weekends. I wasn’t good but I loved it. Upon completing outpatient recovery I thought I could return to my life.... Continue Reading →

Letting Go of San Francisco

May 2014 For a second time my parents took me earlier than advised. Outpatient recovery wasn't sure if I was ready, suggesting I stay another month. Although necessary, I hated my time there. I wanted to live again. I insisted on returning to my old life. My stubbornness is a force to be reckoned with.... Continue Reading →

My Father’s Daughter

From a young age we forged an extraordinary bond. I adored him for the cool things he did with me and my sister. He taught me how to ski at three and golf by eight. Always the fun dad, cool dad, nice dad. He has a spirit for life matched by few, and he shared... Continue Reading →

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