Wake Up and Be Awesome

Photo taken in 2015, a year post-hospitalization I snapped a pic to remember this shirt when I bought it on a fishing trip with my dad. I was still having a hard time getting my self esteem back, but I was at a tipping point. I wanted to make my life happier. In addition to... Continue Reading →

Taking the Wrong Medication… Sucks

September 2015, a year and a half after hospitalization. Both my cousin Merrill and I are unabashedly obsessed with Disneyland. Whenever we can, we have a blast racing from ride to ride, maximizing fast-passes and hitting up all the best snack stands. That day in the picture was different though. That day I ambled. I... Continue Reading →

My Love Affair With Cigarettes

I started really smoking when I was 18. That was young 18-year-old me in the picture enjoying a honeymoon period with my Marlboro Lights. I smoked when I drank, I smoked to make friends, I smoked to escape, I smoked to think, I smoked to indulge, I loved to smoke. My habit ebbed and flowed... Continue Reading →

Strength, Survival and Snowboarding

The physical toll of psychosis and recovery was massive. Unable to control my own movements, I twirled around in circles for days without eating to the shock of my friends, family and even hospital staff. Pure adrenaline fueled my body through that long physical and psychological trauma. But I survived. While in recovery, medication slowed... Continue Reading →

Spirituality and Mania

Easter, March 27, 2016 This photo was taken at my friend’s family's Easter dinner. It was just weeks before I had a manic episode which was my first and only major relapse since the hospital. The cross hanging in the background is fitting. I tend to adopt a fascination with religion, spirituality and the supernatural... Continue Reading →

Saint Eric, Manic Episode

Manic Relapse, March 2016 (Photo from first year of college, 2008) Around the two year anniversary of my hospitalization I had a manic episode that was triggered by weeks of stress and three days of forgotten medicine. Something was after me. I had to run. I dressed in all black and filled a huge heavy... Continue Reading →

Disclosing Bipolar

In early 2014 I didn’t know I was bipolar when a strong mania slipped my mind into psychosis. I spent one night in the ER, a week in a psych ward and a month at an outpatient recovery center before moving home to live with my parents at the age of 24. We were exhausted... Continue Reading →

The Powerful Play Goes On

Words are powerful. Using them well is a craft. Cadence, meaning, purpose. There’s no such thing as perfection. Mistakes are made. But the practice is thrilling. In college I dumped Kinesiology, originally wanting to be a physical therapist, for a major in history. The subject came naturally, fascinating and fun. I enjoyed thinking, whittling my... Continue Reading →

Moving Through Darkness

Pain, anger, frustration, sadness. They bubble underneath the center of my sternum just waiting to be acknowledged. Other times a quick trigger initiates a tidal wave without warning. Darkness hits like a freight train. I feel it all. But then what? Before I knew I was bipolar in my early twenties, the intensity of my... Continue Reading →

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